


Last year's wishes, this year's apologies

by ShaneShenanigans



Category: Black Sails
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Multi, Very fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 04:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11684040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneShenanigans/pseuds/ShaneShenanigans
Summary: They’d always been close. Physically, even. Touching Flint had never felt forbidden or unwelcome, and had come naturally to Silver. So why now was every bone in his body screaming that he was far too near?





	Last year's wishes, this year's apologies

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah that title is FOB lyrics and that's the only reason it's a little better than my titles normally are. Anyway.
> 
> Like everything I write, this is super self-indulgent and the ending is goofy as hell and they're all mostly just massive cuties. I want to also post-410 rekindle stories for flinthamilton and silvermadi, (and god im even working on a maxanor one) but since silverflint never even had a first chance, I wanted to start there. I know there's going to be a lot of conflict on all ends and a lot to get past but this is sort of the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of the time I just want everything to be happy, aright? N I don't think it's anywhere near impossible.

John stopped in the doorway, his eyes wide, heart pounding in what felt like his throat. Thomas was on the couch with one leg stretched toward the end, the other hanging over the edge, foot flat on the ground. In one hand he held the back cover of an open book, the other hand absentmindedly twirled a finger around a short strand of orange-brown hair.

Between his spread legs lay Flint— no, _James._ His body lounged back against Thomas’s chest. One hand rested on Thomas’s thigh, the other holding the front cover of the open book they were both reading at the same time.

He stared at them in secret for more moments than he’d bothered to count, and time only seemed to resume for him when Thomas moved. Every few moments, he leaned down slowly and kissed the top of James’s head. James would smile in amusement, and then turn the page.John’s eyes lingered until it happened again, and he realized that the kiss to his head was Thomas’s signal that he was finished reading the page. James must’ve been a faster reader.

John smiled to himself at the silliness of it, then frowned. He thought he’d felt jealousy when he first saw them like that, and maybe there was something like that. But another part of him couldn’t be happier for them. For Flint— _James_ — and it became hard to place exactly what he was feeling.

It was so easy to want James now that things were quiet. So easy to long for him, so difficult to distract himself without a war brewing. But it was just as easy to watch him with Thomas and feel nothing but happiness for him. Forget he wanted him at all— until the thought of forgetting brought back that familiar ache that reminded him he never would.

He saw Thomas lean down, and whisper something in James’s ear, lips brushing it, and panicked inside. He immediately crossed the doorway to disappear down the hall, paranoid that Thomas had noticed him and was alerting James to his presence.

_“Mr. Silver is watching you.”_

You. He’d said. Not us. John was nowhere to be found when James looked up.

“I think he heard me.” Thomas laughed and nuzzled his ear.

“A bit invasive.” James said critically, and shifted his weight more lazily against Thomas’s body, slouching into him.

“Hn.” Thomas hummed, sliding his hand to the back of the book and snapping it shut.

“I was still reading that.” James said gruffly, but he let the book be taken from him. Thomas smiled as he pressed his nose and mouth to James’s neck and breathed in. He set the book aside and let his hands slide up and down James’s sides.

“If we fool around do you think he’ll come back?”

James scoffed. “What kind of man do you think I’ve let into our home?”

“Hm.” Thomas purred and arched his hips gently, pressing James down at the hips to rub against him. “So defensive.”

James reached his arm back to brace his hand against the back of Thomas’s neck as he lazily ground down, letting him know he agreed with the idea.

“I’m closing that door.” Thomas mumbled against his ear and then started to prod James off of him as he intended to get up from the couch. James moaned in protest as the warm body was taken out from underneath him, and he lay there pouting slightly as he listened to Thomas pad across the room and heard the door shut gently.

Thomas returned to him with an eager pep in his movements, lifting one leg over him and straddling his waist.

James looked up at Thomas’s face in the dim candlelight, certain he’d never stop thinking about how much he’d missed him all those years. How much he wanted to make every moment of their lost time up to him, how much this time meant to him.

“What?” Thomas asked, a bemused smile across his lips. James couldn’t say anything. He was lost in everything Thomas was and the very fact that he was here. He didn’t know when he’d come back from that. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.

o-o-o-o

“How are you?” Madi asked, and John forced a smile as he looked up to her, but didn’t answer her question.

She sighed, and reached out a hand to place it on top of his. He turned his over, and took hers within it, but he was no longer looking at her. Instead he was looking thoughtfully at a certain spot on the table.

“When they found us…” Madi started, John’s gaze still refusing to meet hers. “…Flint asked for your help—,”

“ _James._ ” John corrected, and then laughed afterward, like it was all a big joke. But he was the opening line, so he probably shouldn’t have been laughing.

Madi sighed, part of her thinking she should be glad he could still laugh. Another was even further concerned. “James asked for your help. For you to tell his story, our story, to Thomas, to help him understand who we were.”

John nodded. “I did.” He said. “Despite having thought my days of telling stories for that man were long over.”

“And it worked.” Madi said. “It took time, but it worked.” She nodded meaningfully. “They’re inseparable, are they not?”

John opened his mouth, then closed it, swallowing hard.“He trusted you to help save them.” Madi said. “And… perhaps just as it never has been, that trust was not misplaced.”John’s eyes had already been wet with tears, and having them end up that way wasn’t a difficult task these days, but when she said that, the possible implications nearly shocked them dry.

Madi read his eyes and looked away, appearing uncertain of her own words as John desperately searched her eyes for confirmation of them. She changed the subject instead.

“I know how you felt about him. Don’t forget that I do.” She said, pointedly, and John nodded. He wished in that moment that he’d never told her. That it was still a secret he could bury within himself and deny. 

“I only told the truth. The story exactly as it happened. The man I knew him as…” John trailed off.

“Did you tell him how you felt about James?”

John shook his head. “No.” He said. “But I’m discovering more and more each day that Thomas Hamilton might be twice as terrifying as James Flint.” He went on. “As much as I avoided the subject of anything beyond the simplest of camaraderie between us… I get the distinct feeling that he knows.”

“And that frightens you?” Madi was visibly bewildered.

John snorted. “I don’t know what he’s going to do with that information.” He said. “Has he already implied it to James? Are they speaking of me in secret? Is he waiting for the most humiliating opportunity? Is he waiting to catch me looking and announce me?”

Madi smiled in amusement. “You’ve spent too much time with pirates.” She said. “And even if it is not the same way you love him, he loves you. That is why he came back to you and is still a friend to you. He wouldn’t think less of you, or distance you for this.”

“Doesn’t matter.” John said, eyes falling away from hers again. “I'll never be with him the way I…” He stopped himself, then trailed off.

Madi tightened her hold around her hand, and leaned in. “You once asked if you would be enough for me. I didn’t answer you then, but I know now that the answer is yes.”

John met her eyes again, his heart feeling lighter just hearing her say that.

“After what you took from me, it took a lot for me to come to that answer.” He looked away again, feeling small again. “But you are, and you always will be my life, and my heart.” She said. “Can I not be enough for you?”

John looked at her, wide-eyed, and caught slightly off-guard. He leaned forward immediately, and took her hands in both of his.

“Of course you are.” He answered, not faltering for a moment. Madi was enough, she’d always been enough, more than enough. He’d never forget her forgiveness, her patience, her undying and so provenly unconditional love. She gave it to him when he was undeserving, when he wasn’t sure he even knew how to be sorry, and she held him up with it when he was tearing himself apart. She was so much more than enough.

But the foolishness of man dictated that even those who had more than enough would always long for more than that.

“I don’t need him.” John said, though he was sure he was telling the truth, the words still felt wrong in his mouth. “I just want him.” He admitted.

Madi smiled with understanding. “You're a greedy, selfish man, John Silver.” She said, playfully, and he laughed along and shrugged his shoulders.

“That I am.” A moment passed before he pushed his chair out from the table, and braced his hands on the table to move himself into hers, onto her lap.

Madi made a sound of displeasure as his weight came down on her thighs. “…and not nearly as small and light as you think you are.”

“You’re joking.” John snorted. “I’m like 5’6 and missing half a leg.”

Madi curled her hands around the side of his thigh, and tugged him up closer, securing him on her lap. He gave her his best, goofy, winning smile and she could still feel it there under her lips when she pressed hers to his.

It took a long time to see him smile again. To even want or care to see him smile again and find herself longing for the sight of it. But it warmed her now, and so did having him in her arms. 

o-o-o

John was lying on the sofa where they’d left him, staring at the words and turning the pages of a book he wasn’t reading. Thomas and James were in the fields, and Madi had volunteered to feed some of the animals. They’d all offered for him to come along, but he said he wasn’t up to it.

Madi had said she wanted to make herself useful, kill some of her boredom, wasn’t in the mood to read or sit around. She’d also playfully demanded a specific dish for dinner in exchange for her help. James had thrown a towel at her with a grin across his face and shook his head, implying jokingly that they were overstaying their welcome, to which Thomas intervened and scolded him for disrespecting their guests.

John smiled at the thought of it, some pain behind it. They all seemed to fall in with one-another so well, get along so well. James and Madi had always been so alike, it was no surprise they’d fallen in sync after being reunited. Thomas had become something of an extension of James and the three of them made quite a trio.

Somehow, despite his relationship with Madi, and with James, John felt a little on the outside of all of it. Like he couldn’t bring himself to play along, like their banter, were it directed at him, would be less playful, or simply impossible.

He’d always felt lonely. There were moments back then, when he’d first truly accepted himself as part of Flint’s crew. When everything was new with Madi and Flint and when he was first falling in love with them that he didn’t. But that didn’t last long before he ripped it apart and made himself alone again. Now they were here, and yet they weren’t. Or, one of them wasn’t.

He heard footsteps and came out of his trance, looking up as James appeared in the doorway. He looked worn, and sweaty.

“Back already?” John asked idly.

James sighed as he poured a glass of water and took a seat in the window. “Just a break from the sun.”

“Just you?” John questioned.

“Madi’s got a very comfortable chicken on her lap and Thomas is following a stray cat up the road.” James said it like it was an every day occurrence. “Since they decided it was time to slack off I found it more appealing to do so in the comfort of my home.” He brought the glass to his lips, and tilted it back. John didn’t mean to watch as some of it spilled over the side and dripped down his chin, his neck, behind his shirt.

He averted his eyes quickly as James set the glass back down, immediately looking to him. “How’s the book?” He asked.

John thought about the fact that he’d been only idly looking at the words as he turned the pages for the past chapter or so, and elected not to answer. He simply closed it, and set it aside.

James looked a little off-put, but John pretended not to notice as he sat up.

“It’s one of my favorites.” James asserted, encouragingly.

“I know. Thomas told me.” John said, his hand on the cover, not seeming interested.

“Would you rather come outside?” James invited, once again. John knew to some extent the reason Thomas felt so compelled to invite him along was to assure him he wouldn’t be in the way despite his missing leg. But that from James was just odd. Wrong.

Relearning was such a foreign and unwanted concept. He knew this man, better than anyone he’d ever known before, better than he’d ever wanted to though he didn’t regret it now. James offering pleasantries as if he were forcing himself to be tentative felt worse than anything else he could have imagined.

“We’re not quite the same.” John said, musing only, but as soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he shouldn’t have said them.

“The same?” James’s brow furrowed, and John immediately looked away.

“You seem… perpetually angry with me.” John dug himself deeper into the hole of this conversation that no part of him truly wanted to have again. But he missed James. He missed the honesty, the partnership, the one who trusted him. He didn’t know if he could ever have that back but he wanted it more than anything. He felt wrong without it.There was a long silence before James replied.

“Perhaps I am.” He spoke quietly.

“I guess I deserve it.” John said, shaking his head. “Thomas told me there’s nothing I can do. That people just need time.”

James looked down with a painful smile. “He told me the same thing. Only about himself, and the things I’ve done.”

“I guess the same goes for Madi.” He said. “Nothing will ever be quite the same.” It sounded awful. Never getting back the ones you love as they loved you during the time they loved you most. What kind of life was that? Knowing the best was over and there was no bringing it back?

“No it won’t.” James agreed. “But we’re all here.” He said. “I’m here. Madi’s here. Thomas is here with me even though it’s not the same.”

John looked at him.

“That’s worth something.” He said. “It has to be.” John wondered if James was also still trying to convince himself, after all this time.

John opened his mouth, almost to protest because for him the feeling of it not being enough was overwhelming, but he closed it, and tried to calm himself instead.

“It is.” He said allowed, more to himself than to James. “Sometimes…” He said, but stopped himself.

“Sometimes what?” James pressed.

“Sometimes I still have the urge to run away from all of it.” John looked up at him. His eyes were wet. As soon as their eyes met, he looked down again. “I can’t even look at you. Not knowing what you’re thinking, or if you…” He trailed off, “…it’s so hard not to run. Aside from Madi, running’s all I’ve ever done.”

James considered his words quietly in the moments that followed.

“I never thanked you.”

John looked up to him in confusion.

“What?”

“For talking to him about who I was… that I wasn’t just… a monster.” James said, grinding out the last word like it hurt to say it. 

He looked at John’s face and pursed his lips as his mind replayed the moment he saw Thomas in that field. Until that moment only the smallest fraction of his mind humored the idea that John hadn’t been lying. A pleasant story to quell his protests. But there he’d been, and when they touched, kissed, held each other, for in those moments he’d forgotten everything. The war, Captain Flint, John Silver, and everything else.

“I did it for me, too.” John said. “It was the only way I’d be able to live with myself if I stopped you. If I could imagine you were with someone you loved… hell, even if it wasn’t true, if I could convince myself of it…” He shook his head. “Everything I’ve done… I suppose I’ve only really done it for myself.”

“That isn’t true.” James countered firmly, but didn’t offer explanation.

“Isn’t it?” John countered, gently, quietly. “You’re happy now, aren’t you?” He spoke slowly, like it was hard to get the words out, and from the corner of his eye he could see James hanging on every word. “You’re at peace, you’re with him and you’re not angry and without hope.” He stood abruptly, and James was alarmed. “Shouldn’t I be happy about that? Wouldn’t a friend of yours see that as a good thing and be happy for you?”

James looked utterly confused. “I didn’t realize you weren’t.”

John sighed heavily. “I am…” He said. “But…”

James’s brow was furrowed and he was looking at John half with irritancy and the other half just utterly lost.

“I am happy for you.” John sat back down. “For both of you.”

“You just implied you weren’t.”

“Nevermind it.” John said, forcing himself to be calm hiding behind a sip of his drink. He knew how confusing he was being and how it probably only served to irritate someone who he was trying to repair things with.

o-o-o-o

James didn’t seem keen on letting it go. He found John alone in the kitchen the next afternoon after having decidedly stayed home from the fields that day. John wondered if it was just for the sake of confronting him.

“If you’re telling me you think we should have fought that war and you did the wrong thing and you wish you had it all back…”

“If I am, then what?”

“I’ll say I told you so.” James said, plainly.

John snorted. “No, I don’t wish for any of that.”

“But you’re not happy with the way things are now, either.” James clarified.

“Why the twenty questions?” John turned to him. He was tired of mind games. Thomas was great at them and had been playing them ever since he walked through the door. He didn’t need James doing it too.

“Because I get the feeling you’re hiding something from me.” James said. “And wasn’t it you, last night, longing for the same honesty we used to share?”

“We could still have that without what you’re asking for.” John shook his head, turning away.

A wry grin stretched across James’s face, as the words hit him, and he shook his head, the irony in his smile making it impossible for John to look at him. “You always do this.” He said.

John said nothing.

“I still don’t know who you were. I’ve accepted that. But here you are again, obsessed with the idea that whatever’s tearing you apart, whatever’s making you act the way you’re acting… It just doesn’t matter?” James said.

Silence and stillness on John’s side remained.

“You look fucking miserable.” James spat, honest and irritated. “I don’t think anything about the life you have with her could be described as miserable so I really do think that it matters—,”

“I don’t want to talk about it like this.” John interrupted finally, sounding exhausted.

Flint paused, his voice and demeanor calming. “Like this?” He said, softly. “So there’s a chance you’ll tell me this time?” He was asking.

John looked up at him, mouth open, but couldn’t speak, and only looked back down and swallowed whatever came up.

James took a few steps forward, slowly and carefully. “You’re all I have left.” He said, voice breaking. “You, Thomas, Madi… I don’t have… everything else I had before. None of this is about that, none of it will ever be about that again. I…” He paused, swallowing hard “…I care about you, all of you, more than anything.”

John’s hands were shaking. 

“You don’t have to hide things from me.” James finished, softly. John still could not bring himself to speak and a soft silence fell over them as the shadow of a cloud passing over the sun shrouded the room for a few moments, and then left.

“But I suppose you don’t have to tell me either.” James heaved a sigh, acceptingly.

“Give me time.” John said, gently.

James nodded, and turned as if he were on his way out of the room. Then he stopped

He hated leaving things like this. He’d done so much of it with Thomas and now he was doing it with John. Thomas had been so vehement about time being the only way to resolve things, but James wasn’t feeling patient. He was just feeling tired, and he missed his friend, and the man that knew him best, who’d truly seen the worst of him and yet was still here.

“I agree. We’re not like we were before.” James said softly. He may have meant it as another end to the conversation, but his mind continued finding new ones.“But I want to be, too. I want you to be able to tell me what you’re thinking and I want to be able to do the same.” James confessed. John stared at him, any reply caught in his throat. The words made him feel lighter and heavier at the same time.

“This seems like a decent place to start, don’t you think?” James prodded, crossing back the distance he’d created only moments before. John didn’t realize how close he was until he turned, and immediately shrunk back against the wall behind him. James’s head was dipped forward with concern, trying to meet his eyes, looking for an answer.

They’d always been close. Physically, even. Touching Flint had never felt forbidden or unwelcome, and had come naturally to John. So why was every bone in his body screaming that he was far too near?

“John?” James lifted a hand and touched his shoulder. Their bodies were still a decent foot apart, far enough away to be sure James wasn’t insinuating anything more than gentle concern.

“I can’t—,” Before John could move, James squeezed his arm slightly in askance. Asking him not to leave, to run, like he knew he was about to.

“I know, just…” James said. “Talk to me about anything.” He forced a smile to the corners of his lips. “Let’s just talk.”

It was at that moment that John raised his eyes to James’s and fell into them.

He was so handsome in the dim, dusty sunlight that made it through the window across the room. His hair was short, slightly shorter than Thomas’s but coming back in thick like something one could curl their fingers into. He looked rugged as always, but still somehow soft, and his eyes were softest of all. They were begging him for something, and John was finding it impossible to look away.

Before knew it his eyes had fallen to James’s lips, and he leaned in.

James tensed, and pulled back.

It was a small movement, fast, and slight, but John noticed it and his heart started to pound with fear and self-loathing for what he’d just done. They weren’t ready for this— if they ever would be it wasn’t now, and now he’d…

“John…” Jame’s voice was low, and it cracked half-way through.

Don’t do that. John thought. He couldn’t stand that scolding voice speaking his name and he needed it to stop. It was too late. He’d revealed himself and whatever slow build-up he was working on had been destroyed.

He raised a hand to James’s face because he hadn’t backed off. In fact, it felt like he’d gotten closer. He touched his thumb to those orange-framed lips and realized that James seemed frozen underneath his hands. He searched wide, green eyes for answers as he dragged his thumb slowly sideways and was overwhelmed with the fact that his gaze was met, and James wasn’t turning away.

James took a step. Not sideways, not away, but a solid step forward until their bodies were hardly and inch apart and his forehead ghosted against John’s. His breath came out shaking, heavy, and his hands were in fists at his sides.

John couldn’t stop himself anymore. He moved his thumb aside, held his face, tilted his head, and kissed him. Soft, but meaningful. Fast, but with an attempt to convey every feeling he’d held down until that moment. For the smallest fraction of a second, John was sure he’d felt James kiss back.

James took another step forward, pressing John against the wall, tearing their lips apart but bringing the rest of them closer as he pressed his forehead to John’s.

“James.” John’s lips begged to be kissing him again, searching under closed eyes, inclining as James continued to half-heartedly decline, still holding John there like it was taking all of his energy to talk himself out of it.

John knew he needed to stop, he should, they shouldn’t, not like this…

…He opened his eyes. When their eyes met, the world around John seemed to start turning again.

“ We can’t. …Madi.” James ground out. “…Thomas.” The name came out laced with guilt and John swallowed hard. With all the between-the-lines conversations he’d had with Thomas lately he was almost sure Thomas would approve. But he had no way of convincing James of that. James thought he was cheating.

“Madi knows.” John said, revealing himself completely. James’s guilt turned to confusion.

John raised a hand to James’s face again. “She knows I want this.” His breath was still ragged and his heart still pounding in anticipation. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to kiss him again in the following moments but there was nothing else he could think about.

James sighed, and finally looked away, but leaned into the hand John had placed under his jaw.

“She’s okay with you getting it?” James questioned. John nodded eagerly.

James sighed harshly and slowly took a full three steps back from him, leaving John’s reach and leaving him desperate for an answer.

“I need to go.” James spoke lowly. John didn’t protest, and James left the room with heavy steps.

John stayed against the wall with his eyes on the ground, wondering what the fuck he’d just done.

o-o-o-o-o

James found Thomas in the field. Not working, but sitting on one of the mounds, twirling a blade of grass between his fingers with a hoe in the dirt next to him.

“Farming is so…” He sighed when he heard a familiar weight of footsteps behind him. “…Well I hate it.” He said, pouting, and looked over his shoulder.

Distraught as he had been, James had to smile in amusement at that. “I can’t imagine why.” His voice was laced with sarcasm as he approached slowly. “This was your idea, you know?” He carefully sat down next to Thomas, who was squinting in the sunlight, still pouting and looking positively irresistibly adorable, like he had fifteen years ago. “We can always try something else.”

“We can dig up that treasure of yours.” Thomas suggested. “Buy an estate or something, servants… a cat…” He mused. “…or a dog.”

James laughed gently.

“John and Madi could come too.” Thomas added, and the name hit James like a dart when he remembered what he’d come here to say, what had happened only minutes ago that he felt he needed to confess.

“Madi…” James started. “If I ever dug up that treasure I’d owe her something. Both of us would.”

“Another war?” Thomas suggested.

“Maybe not quite that, but it would have to go to her cause in a way she decided. It was always meant to.”

“Why don’t you go get it for her, then?”

“Because she hasn’t asked yet.” James said. “It can’t be my idea this time.”

Thomas nodded as James trailed off, seeming to understand.

“I kissed John.” James said, suddenly, and Thomas looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Well, he kissed me and I… I didn’t…” He lost his words somewhere in the middle, and just found himself staring at the tilled ground with shame.

“Does Madi know?” Thomas said, voice serious and low.

“He implied that she already did.” James nodded, a little irritated still that John hadn’t considered his side of things before initiating. But he’d complied, and that was enough to convict him.

Moments passed during which he couldn’t yet bring himself to look at Thomas’s face.

That was until Thomas started laughing. James’s eyes jerked up to him and his brow furrowed hard in confusion. Thomas was just leaning back on his hands in the dirt, head tilted back, sun beating down on the massive grin stretched over his face. James still didn’t know what in the hell to say to that reaction, so he just stared.

“I never thought he had it in him.” Thomas said, finally, between laughs once they’d settled.

“What?” James’s face crinkled.

“The way you two look at each other… the way you talk about him and the way you look when you talk about him…” Thomas said. “I was half convinced you’d been together back then and just hadn’t found it in you to tell me… but such a dutiful confession over just a kiss. You really haven’t changed a bit.”

James’s mouth was hanging open by now.

“You never did quite grasp the idea of no shame.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” James sounded appalled and offended. Thomas lulled his head to one side and grinned before kissing him.

James was still confused, but glad Thomas kissed him because even though his lips were salty with sweat, it certainly meant he wasn’t angry.

“If you’re in love with John Silver…” Thomas said, his lips still close. “…then let it be.”

James released a breath he’d been holding slowly against Thomas’s lips as those words sank in. The memory of how hard it was not to kiss John the same way he’d kissed him, not to touch him and feel him…

James kissed Thomas deeply, lifting his hands to his face and pressing their lips together hard and with meaning.

“I’m in love with you.” James insisted roughly, like he was daring the fact be challenged.

Thomas smiled with some amusement, and lifted a finger to press it against the center of James’s lips, and dragged it down. “I know that.” Thomas said. “But you and I both know plenty about loving more than one person at the same time.”

“This is too much.” James admitted. “It’s…”

“You don’t have to propose to him.” Thomas interrupted. “Just know that as long as you have Madi’s blessing, you have mine.”

“I don’t know what to do with that.” James ground out.

“You’ll figure it out.” Thomas said, standing. “Come on. Let’s pick a few of the neighbor’s strawberries.”

James laughed loudly. “Isn’t that stealing?”

Thomas grinned over his shoulder as he walked off in the direction of the massive strawberry patch nearby. James tagged along after him, and watched him immediately pluck a large, plump red fruit from the vine.

“What do you think?” Thomas looked back, smiling and talking with his mouth full. “I could be a pirate.” He turned back to the patch and bit the strawberry down to the stem.

“Captain Thomas Hamilton.” James said from behind him. “Known far and wide. Notorious for his start as a world-renowned strawberry thief and saying “please” when asking cargo ships to surrender their goods.”

Thomas furrowed his brow at the insinuation, as if utterly confused. “Do pirates not value manners?” He questioned, and felt James wrap his arms around him from behind, burying his face in the crook of his neck and laughing as he kissed it.

“Pick me a strawberry.” He said against his skin.

“Say please.”

o-o-o-o

Madi stood aside for just a few moments after James had left John. There, against the wall, by himself with all his ridiculous demons and insecurities. She wondered quietly if she should leave him alone, not reveal herself or that she’s seen it. Then she heard a bang and looked up to find he’d turned to face the wall and pounded a fist against it as he dragged his face down it.

He certainly could be dramatic.She made it across the room without him noticing, and placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped under her touch, and turned to her with reddened eyes.

“Madi…” He said, and sucked in his tears through his nose. She sighed, and couldn’t help smiling. He didn’t return it and seemed irritated that it existed.

“Did you…?” He asked, and she knew what he meant.

“I saw what happened.” She said. “Whether it was bravery or just uncontrollable need… I don’t think it’ll sour things between you.” She looked him firmly in the eye. “You can stop beating yourself up.”

John sighed harshly, thinking only that he didn’t want her there. He didn’t want her fixing him, or dealing with this— whatever it was. He wanted to drown himself in peace for just a moment while he dealt with knowing James and Thomas would be back in a few hours.

Maybe the two them could just pack up and leave before they got back?

Madi shook her head when he didn’t say anything. “There are a lot of dishes that need cleaning. Thomas hates doing it, so I’ve readied the water, and you’re going to wash them.” She said.

John narrowed his eyes at her and pursed his lips.

“That doesn’t exactly sound like a solution.” He ground out.

“Come.” She took his hand, and waited for him to adjust his crutch under his arm to start pulling him toward the kitchen.

o-o-o-o

James stayed with Thomas in the fields until sundown, working on the till while Thomas seemed keen on lying in the grass and petting one of the stray cats that came looking for food. He didn’t have any, but it seemed to enjoy attention just the same.

Part of him was simply content in the field with Thomas, while another part simply wasn’t ready to face John back at the house yet. A feeling of dread washed over him when Thomas suggested they head back. But he agreed.They returned to a spotless kitchen, cleaned dishes from breakfast and last night’s dinner, and Madi and John sitting at the dining table. John’s eyes flicked to them and he forced some version of a smile, but Madi called attention from him as she stood.

“Wow.” Thomas said, taking in the sight of the swept floor, dusted tops, and wiped counters. “Thank you. I don’t think James or I were looking forward to doing this tonight.”

“You’ve done so much for us as guests. It was the least we could do.” Madi said.

“You keep insinuating that you’re required to do anything, but if James enjoys your company, so do I.” Thomas said, and he took her hand in his own and kissed it like he had many times before.

“Sooner or later, guests overstay their welcome.” She said smiling in amusement at the gesture as always. “We’ve been here almost three weeks. I think we’ve passed the limit.”

“Are you saying you’re planning to leave?” James chimed in, sounding concerned as his eyes shifted between the two of them.

Madi took a deep breath, and turned to face him. “No.” She said. “Actually, I was thinking we would stay.”

“What?” John interrupted as well, but was mostly ignored.

“Not in your home of course, but in the area.” Madi said. “I think it’s best John and I find a place of our own. Now that so many of my people have moved on, I would like to do the same. I think I can do so safely here, as you have.”

Thomas looked at her through uncertain eyes, and then they drifted to James.

“Madi.” He said, stepping up to her. “Even for Thomas and I, it won’t ever be… entirely safe here.” He said. “We’ve distanced ourselves from the town folk for now, and they seem nice and it seems peaceful but in the end, things change. People talk—,”

“You think I don’t know these things?” She said. “Why must I allow the two of you to stay here in a world that would cast you out yet you mean to deny me to do the same?”

James sighed, biting his tongue.

“I’d like to find a place here, near the two of you.” She said. “For both of us.”

“It’s not just about who we are, but who we were. Who I was.” James said. “If someone were to discover, after everything I’ve done, that I was supposed to be dead for the sake of peace. Not just me, but everyone I know would—,”

“You let Thomas risk this with you.” She narrowed her eyes, and gestured toward him.

“Technically because of the actions of Alfred Hamilton and my having destroyed half the plantation he was sold to, the law considers him a fugitive as well.” James asserted. “You’re none of those things. You’d be better off building a life with no association with me to keep them from making the connection. Both of you.” James looked at John pointedly, who was just watching all of it play out with the most peculiar look on his face.

Madi sighed. “I fear I have an inescapable association with you.” She said.

It was then that John stood from his seat and came thumping over, asserting himself between them. “Just so you know, I didn’t hear of or agree to any of this.” He said to James.

Madi shook her head. “You’ve shied away from my questions about when we’re going to leave here, or when I asked how long we’re planning to stay.” She said, and John was silenced. “It’s clear that there’s something here you can’t let go of and I don’t think it’s the landscape.”

John’s eyes betrayed him and flicked to James, who was already looking at him with that understanding, soft expression that made him want to lay down and die.

“You’re young enough.” James said back to Madi. “There’s so much you could accomplish. But here? Stagnate, living off the land? You’d be unable to touch any of it. All we can do here is lay low.”

Madi knew exactly what he was implying.

She breathed in deeply, addressing something she’d been considering in her own mind for weeks. “You said yourself, things change. If it comes to that because of circumstances I can’t control, or if I become restless, I’ll easily be able to ask for your help.”

John let out an audible, angry huff. Here they were in front of him again, deciding things for him because they both believed he’d follow them anywhere.

This time it was infuriating because he was sure they were right.

James sighed. “Obviously I can’t stop you, I’ve no right to. Neither does he.” James gestured toward John, pursed his lips. “But seeing as I think you’re doing this wholly for him, I think his opinion matters.”

John looked up at him, blinked, and then his eyes shifted to Madi.

“Not wholly for him.” She said. “It’s also for me. And you.”

James looked down, then away.

She took a deep breath, and turned to John. “I know you must worry this won’t be secure for long enough, but you know better than anyone that despite all who’ve tried to build it for me, security isn’t among the things I wanted most.” She said. “You stole away everything I wanted in the name of my security once.”

John made himself look at her as she spoke, as he felt the weight of her words as he had so many times.

“Please allow me to disregard security to give us something that we both want?”

John understood, but he was still angry. He was angry because the basis of this conversation still hadn’t been addressed. He was angry because of the way James was looking at him now, after what happened earlier, and because no one would say the words for where all this was really coming from. He was angry because Thomas Hamilton was observing the whole thing without saying a thing, and John wanted to know everything that man was thinking.

“All right.” He finally spoke. “We’ll stay.”

A smile crossed over Madi’s face.

“Excuse me.” John said quickly, barely able to get the words out before he made his way toward the exit that lead to the livingroom, then the hall and to the room he and Madi were staying in.

James looked after him, eyes lingering on the last spot he’d been by the door for a moment before, without sparing a look toward Thomas or Madi, he followed after.

Madi looked to Thomas who appeared generally unaffected by all of it, expression simply observant. He merely shrugged.

o-o-o-o

“John.” James caught him just before he’d gone into the bedroom, physically and by his sleeve because he worried John would close and lock the door were he to make it inside.

John stopped, and sighed harshly, ripping his arm away so it hung defeated at his side, like the rest of him.

“What?” He said. James opened his mouth, but nothing came out. “What?” John repeated more firmly. “What were you going to say?”

James stood silently, shifting his weight to the other foot as he stared back at him.

“Did you even know what you might say when you decided to follow me? Or did you just…”

He was cut off when his back hit the doorframe, his head thudding against it.James was on him, body pressed against his, paused and looking into his eyes from only an inch away as if apologizing for something. The expression didn’t last long before his eyes flicked down to John’s lips.

At that moment everything froze between them. James’s breath shook with his eyes on John’s mouth and John took in the sight of it as his heart started to pound. He wanted to kiss him. More than anything he wanted to put an end to this intermission and be kissing James Flint like he was sure he’d needed to all his life. But he couldn’t do it. He needed James to do it first.

James moved by a fraction of an inch each time he started to lean, until his lips ghosted over John’s, and John breathed harshly at the teased feel of them. James turned his head slightly, brushing them once more, testing the feeling, until John couldn’t take it anymore. He raised his hands to James’s neck, titled his head, and linked their mouths fearsomely.

James didn’t get left behind for long. He hummed into the kiss and mashed their bodies together, asserting a thigh between John’s legs and curling his fingers into his hair. 

John’s hands ran down his sides, his back, lower until he had two handfuls of ass and James stopped abruptly.“What?” John said, breathing hard, loosening his hold on James’s butt but unable to fully let go.

James just sort of snorted, and looked away with a tiny smile.

“You started this.” John reminded. “With Thomas and Madi just down the hall I have to assume you got permission.” The hands started to drift up, slowly now, pushing up James’s shirt with a mind to pull it out of his pants and stick his hands all the way up it.

James nodded, eyes downcast, fixed on his hand which was idly playing with one of John’s belt loops.

“You’re staying, then?” He asked. “Like Madi wants?”

“After what you just did and where it could take us, it would take a hell of a lot to rip me away.”

“And this is what you’ve been so miserable about?”John pursed it lips, looking away. “I thought it would be harder.” He admitted. “That was incredibly easy. If I’d known all this time all I had to do was kiss you then—,”

James cut him off by covering his open mouth with his own. John breathed in sharply through his nose as a tongue teased the outside of his lips, sliding over them until he finally found his motor skills and slid his fingers into James’s hair, tilting his head and opening his mouth enough for the tongue to just naturally slide in. When it did, he moaned.

“Of course you’d be lost when the answer to a problem isn’t just incessant blabbering.” James said in a breath. John laughed at his own expense.

“This…” James started, but cut himself off, not wanting to go on. But when he met John’s eyes they were wide, curious, and wanting, so he continued. “I’ve wanted this for so long.” He said. “I never stopped, I just…” He took a deep breath, trying to find the words, but none would come.

“Good.” John relieved him with a smile, and fell back into his lips.

o-o-o-o

 

E p i l o g u e

John was doing laundry, as it was one of the few things he’d learned to some extent from watching others recently and in the past. He and Madi were yet to find a suitable place to live on the island. Some properties were too close to town and would invite too many visits from neighbors, others were too far away from James and Thomas for any of their liking.Things like that took time, so for the time being, he and Madi simply learned to contribute equally to their daily lives and on the farm. Today he’d offered to do the laundry, despite knowing how much it had piled up as everyone had been putting it off. He didn’t mind, though it had thus far taken almost three hours, and he was relieved that the bin was almost empty.

That was when James walked by far to casually, ripping his shirt off and tossing it in the bin. John looked after him, mouth agape, half because of the view and half because he’d just wordlessly thrown a shirt at him. He opened his mouth to shout something, but found himself dumbfounded at the unobstructed view of James’s ass underneath a bare, freckled back as he walked away.

He cursed, and snatched the shirt out of the bin, placing it in the tub of soapy water and beginning to scrub.

Madi appeared soon after, and she didn’t have to say anything for John to become a little distraught. He was thinking about Flint’s butt and eager to get finished with this and go give the man a piece of his mind about tossing him work without so much as a greeting. But Madi came with a whole new basket of dirty linen.

“We need these dry by tonight if we want something to sleep on.” She said, smirking. John looked at the sheets in the basket, knowing exactly where they’d come from and why they needed washed. Technically that night was James’s fault, he’d been insufferable and Thomas had shooed him off on account of being tired, so he asserted himself into John’s bed while Madi was still up reading. John hadn’t minded at all, but that was beside the point.

He heaved a sigh, and nodded.

“Tell me something first.” He said. “Are you and I just going to soil them again tonight?”

“The answer to that doesn’t change me wanting them clean.” She said through an amused smile.

“I’d still like to know.” He prodded, and she simply shoved the basket into his arms, and walked away grinning.A half hour passed, and he was almost done with the sheets when he heard footsteps behind him. He looked over his shoulder, and saw Thomas there with an armful of what appeared to be kitchen towels and the like.

“Oh good, you’re still at it.”

John had to look away because he knew his face was nothing short of irritated. Not at Thomas specifically, but that he hadn’t yet gotten two well-deserved handfuls of James’s ass or more information on that suggestive smile Madi had just given him. He had a lot to look forward to and his workload just kept growing.

John was surprised when Thomas pulled up a stool next to the tub, dropped the towels next to him, and rolled up his sleeves. He wordlessly dipped his hands in the water, and began rubbing one of them down the wash board.

John immediately blurted out. “I can do that.”

Thomas shook his head and continued. “You’ve been out here for hours, and you have less clothing than anyone. Certainly less than James and I.”

John watched him for a few moments, before he simply shrugged and went back to washing the last of the sheets. It was no surprise that Thomas was the considerate one. But John was yet to decipher whether that was because he was still holding onto the sort of consideration one offers a stranger, especially one raised in London. Or if it was simply who Thomas Hamilton was.

No part of him was truly bothered by James or Madi tossing him more work, and he knew they knew that. But making Thomas understand he didn’t have to be quite so considerate to gain his favor seemed like a feat. Then again, he hadn’t the slightest idea why Thomas would want to gain his favor in the first place. Regardless, the man had been astoundingly kind to him since things between he and James had settled down, and he'd been tentative of him since he arrived.

It was… not annoying, but not ideal. He wanted things between them to be more casual. He didn’t know how to make that happen, or if it could.

“Your hands are completely pruned.” Thomas spoke, and Silver turned his palm over to look at his fingers. He’d scarcely seen them so wrinkled, not since he’d left the ocean behind at least.

He laughed gently. “Good thing I’m about done.” Only a moment later he stood, reaching into the water to collect some of the cleaned items of clothing. His pants weren’t as wet as they often got when he washed clothing, and that was a small victory. With his crutch under one arm he bunched a few items into one hand, and started to turn toward the drying line. As he turned, a ball of wet fabric dropped from his hand, plopped into the water with a splash almost too large for its size.

A splash that hit Thomas right in the face.

John panicked inside. “Sorry!” He said, frantically searching for something dry to give him to wipe his face, but everything in the vicinity was soaking wet, including the towels Thomas had brought, as he’d just lowered the last one into the water.

“…Sorry.” He repeated, helplessly, staring as Thomas used the back of his arm to wipe the water from his eyes so he could open them again. He didn’t look pleased, and John just stared at him with wide eyes for a few moments.

Until Thomas dipped his hand in the water, and sent a wave of it flying at him.

If his pants hadn’t been wet before, now they were soaked.

John glared at him, pursed his lips as he felt the cool water soak through, chilling everything.

Thomas was grinning like a bastard, and John wanted to wipe that look off his face. He threw the clothes in his hands into the water with some force, right next to Thomas so it splashed him again.

It worked, Thomas was frowning as he wiped the water from his eyes again, this time it was futile as his arm was just as wet. Most of him was wet now. Thomas stood, dropping the towel aggressively, hands in fists at his sides. John stood still, feeling like he’d gone too far for a moment. Thomas had just been getting back at him the first time, and now that he’d retaliated again…

His thoughts stopped when Thomas leaned over the tub, sticking both arms in and launching a massive sheet of water in his direction. It hit dead-on, and John was soaked from head to toe, hair flattened and sticking to his face.

“You-!” He exclaimed, but he was smiling and he leaned forward on his crutch, using his whole arm to send a waved at Thomas as Thomas went on the defensive but smacked at the water to try and send something back as he too became thoroughly soaked.

Thomas had a clear advantage, being able to hold himself upright while using both arms, but John put up a good fight. Laughing between spitting out mouthfuls of unwelcome soap water, eyes long since sealed shut, blindly assaulting one another until they both got tired.

By that time, less than half the water was left in the tub.

Having called a silent truce with both their heaving breath, John used his first and forefinger to wipe his eyes so he could open them. The soap stung a little, but Thomas’s eyes were red around the edges too, and he looked at John and sputtered a nervous laugh. John laughed too, as if it had been contagious.

“What the fuck is going on out here?” James’s voice came from beside the two of them, and they both looked at him. “Have you two gone mad? Look at the grass!” He had a shirt on now. That was a shame for all three of them.

There was a pool of water beneath the tub, deep enough to have a chance of hurting the grass, especially if it were to rain any time soon. John and Thomas shared a knowing look before John adjusted himself on his crutch and started over to James.

“Don’t you touch me, you’re soaking wet.” James said, defensively. “I just put a fresh shirt on.” John didn’t stop. “I mean it, John—!” Before he could get on the defensive, John was kissing him, and also pressing his body against him sharing the water with his newly-changed into clothes, possibly the last ones he had that were dry.

James grumbled something angry against his lips but had a hard time pulling away until John let the bottom one slide out between his teeth. He grabbed James by the ass like he’d wanted to for the past hour, and yanked him closer, effectively wetting the entire front half of him.

“You shit…” James said, though it sounded weak as far as scoldings go.

He felt wet on his head, and then water started to drip down his face and he shut his eyes, mind taking a moment to process why exactly it was suddenly raining only on him.

John muffled a giggle with a hand over his mouth, and James knew. Thomas was standing behind him with one of the towels he’d been working to clean, holding it above James’s head and wringing the water out of it.

“You’re both terrible people.” James said underneath a stream of water still running down his face. He spit the soapy water off his lips and strained his eyes open, turning to face Thomas. Everything about the look James gave him suggest to Thomas that he should run, so not before flashing an amused grin, he did.

James ran the other way, grabbing a wet article of clothing from the wash tub and then went chasing after Thomas. James was a significantly faster runner than Thomas was, and Thomas knew that going into it. He made it as far as the barn before he let himself be caught, turning around just in time for James to pin his back against it.

“Any last words?” James ground out, holding the soaked rag Thomas’s head with one hand, getting ready to squeeze. Thomas was already soaking wet from the splash fight so it was weak vengeance, but something about James’s face made him feel like playfully begging for mercy.

“Please, just let me live!” Thomas tried to cry out, but he couldn’t stop laughing and it sounded less than genuine. He was sure it was over for him.

Madi had arrived amidst the chase, placing herself next to John with a glass of water in her hand. She sipped at it, having long since made the observation that all three men were soaking wet.

“Do I want to know?” She asked, not sounding the least bit surprised.

John shrugged, watching as James placed the soaked towel on his shoulder instead of squeezing it over Thomas’s head, and kissed him instead. He smiled fondly at them for a moment, and then his eyes shifted down to the glass of water in Madi’s hand

She looked so, so unfortunately dry.

“John Silver—!” Madi noticed him looking a little to late and he reached for it, got his hand around it and started trying to lift it up above her head. “No!” There was amusement in her tone as she fought him, both of them trying not to spill it in a non-strategic manner.

Finally, Madi was able to get her other hand on the glass and force it up above John’s head, dumping it over him. She watched him close his eyes tightly, mouth agape in surprise as the water ran down his face once again, and she remained dry.

That was until Thomas appeared out of nowhere and threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly. “Great to see you.” He said knowingly, as the water from his clothes passed to hers. John grinned and threw his free arm around both of them from Madi’s side, finishing the job. She stood there helplessly in the middle as they hugged her, looking at James with wide eyes as if begging for a little help. He merely shrugged. He was still somewhat dry and there was no way he was going anywhere near that.

They released her after a few moments, and she stood with as much discomfort as the rest of them, arms held out away from her sides.

“We should probably clean this up…” James suggested, gesturing toward the half-empty tub and the wet clothes that still needed to be hung up. He stepped forward and offered Madi a hand. She accepted it and escaped the soaking wet monsters beside her to stand by him. 

“And by we, I mean you two.” He tossed the wet towel that had been on his shoulder to Thomas, who caught it. With a short smile from James, the two of them turned away and headed back toward the house, Madi waving over her shoulder without looking back.

Thomas looked at John, and John looked back at him. Both of them unable to wipe the massive grins off their faces.


End file.
